100 Best Dad Jokes - Cheesy but Still Funny


You know them, you love them - dad jokes! They can be silly, corny and thoughtful - all at the same time. Here are 100 dad jokes that include some classics and new side-splitters to get everyone laughing. This list is a great way to kick off Father's Day, a road trip, game night or anytime you need a little LOL. Share one joke a day or see how many punchlines you get correct. And don't forget to add your own. Here's to dads and jokes!
- What kind of dogs do magicians like? Labracadabradors
- Why do frogs never park illegally? They are afraid of getting toad.
- What's a moth's favorite stroke? The butterfly.
- Why do spiders know everything? They get their information from the Web.
- Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
- What did the duck say after he finished dinner? "Put it on my bill."
- What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor.
- What writing utensil does a boar use in class? A pig pen.
- What kind of lion doesn't roar? A dandelion.
- Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9.
- How much does a pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
- What game do tornadoes play at parties? Twister.
- What did the apple say to the kangaroo? Nothing. Apples can't talk.
- What awards do dentists receive? Plaques.
- Who keeps the ocean floor clean? Mer-maids.
- How did one wave greet the other wave? She waved.
- Why are volcanoes so popular? They are lava-able.
- What does a cow read every day? The moos-paper.
- What is it called when a prisoner takes their own picture? A cell-fie.
- What did one candy bar say to the other candy bar? "I've got some Twix up my sleeve."
- Why are circles bad at telling stories? Because they are pointless.
- What has hands but can't clap? A clock.
- How did the man like to watch fishing tournaments? Live stream.
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
- Why don't dogs like walking in the rain? They are afraid of Poodles.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw salad dressing.
- Why are shrimp bad at sharing? They are shellfish.
- What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for camp? Bison.
- Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crumby.
- Why are pirates bad at singing the alphabet song? They get stuck at C.
- How can you tell when a vampire is sick? He's coffin a lot.
- What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
- Where do pencils come from? Pennsylvania.
- Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
- Why are ghosts bad liars? You can see right through them.
- Why was the man afraid of the calendar? Its days were numbered.
- What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the work closet? "Supplies!"
- Where do walls meet after work? The corner.
- Where's the best place to learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
- Why didn't the bicycle stand up? It was two tired.
- When is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-irty.
- Why did the family sell their vacuum cleaner? It was collecting dust.
- How did the cell phone ask his girlfriend to marry him? He gave her a ring.
- Why can't Monday lift Saturday? It is a weak day.
- Which season do people get injured the most? The fall.
- How do you keep a bagel from running away? Put lox on it.
- What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- Why did the man run around the bed? He was trying to catch up on his sleep.
- Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
- Why are oranges so slow? They always run out of juice.
- Where do math teachers love to take vacations? Times Square.
- Why did the coach run to the bank in such a hurry? To get his quarterback.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- Why didn't the lady trust the stairs? She thought they were up to something.
- Where do polar bears store their money? The snow bank.
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why didn't the man iron his four-leaf clover? He didn't want to press his luck.
- Why don't pirates take a bath? They prefer to wash up on shore.
- What fish has the most fans? Starfish.
- Why should you never play hide and seek with a leopard? They are always spotted.
- How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you will see later, the other after while.
- Why couldn't the hamburger go into the bar? It didn't serve food.
- What type of tree can fit in your hand? Palm tree.
- What did the lightbulb say to his girlfriend? "I love you a watt."
- Which vegetable does a pirate never eat? Leeks.
- What body of water is the most detail oriented? The Pacific.
- How did the puppies get across the lake? Doggie paddle.
- What is a lazy person's favorite shoes to wear? Loafers.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- Why do dads tell such corny jokes? They want you to groan up.
- What animal should you never trust to tell the truth? A lion.
- What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference.
- How come no one trusts atoms? Because they make up everything.
- What did the baby computer call his father? Data.
- Why shouldn't you marry a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
- How many apples grow on trees? All of them.
- Where is a fruit's favorite place to go on vacation? Pear-is!
- What is the easiest way to get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswaggons.
- Why was the math book crying? It had lots of problems.
- Which part of the body can you always count on? Your fingers.
- How can you tell a Dogwood tree apart from other trees? By its bark.
- Which food tells the cheesiest jokes? Pizza.
- What's a knight's favorite dish? Swordfish
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit cards.
- What shoes do bananas like to wear? Slippers.
- Why do golfers always pack an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
- How do you organize a party on Mars? You planet.
- How do billboards talk to each other? Sign language.
- What music do chiropractors listen to? Hip-pop.
- Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- What beans can you plant but never grow? Jelly beans.
- Why couldn't the pony sing at the talent show? She was a little horse.
- What instrument can you find in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
- What falls in winter but never gets hurt? Snow.
- Why did the kids cross the playground? To get to the other slides.
- Why didn't the teddy bear come down for dinner? He was already stuffed.
- Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Celebrate dads and their wonderful sense of humor any time with some laugh-out-loud jokes!
Courtney McLaughlin is a freelance writer in Charlotte, N.C. She gratefully shares her life, home and heart with her daughter and their dog.