100 Funny Jokes for Kids
Posted by Courtney McLaughlin
That will Make the Whole Family Laugh
Flex your funny bone with these kid-approved jokes that will keep every member of the family in stitches. Pick a category or take turns going down the list to see how many you get right. Keep the list handy for road trips or to make mealtime more fun!
Animal Jokes
- What animal loves a baseball game?
A bat.
- What did the Dalmatian say after finishing her breakfast?
That hit the spot.
- What is black and white and red all over?
An embarrassed zebra.
- Where is a cow's favorite place to go?
The mooooovies.
- What do you call an alligator that solves mysteries?
An investi-gator.
- Why didn't the frog park his car on the street?
He didn't want to get toad.
- What's a cat's favorite color?
Purrr-ple.
- What do ducks love to put in their soup?
Quakers.
- Why did the lion spit out the clown?
He tasted funny.
- What has six eyes but cannot see?
Three blind mice.
Space Jokes
- What is an astronaut's favorite button on a keyboard?
The spacebar.
- How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it's full.
- What do planets love to read?
Comet books.
- What do Martians like to drink?
Gravi-TEA.
- What is an astronaut's favorite meal of the day?
Launch.
- Why did the alien go to the doctor?
He was looking a little green.
- What did Venus say to Saturn?
Give me a ring.
- What do you call ticks in space?
Luna-ticks.
- What do planets sing in a choir?
Nep-tunes.
- Why did the sun refuse to go to school?
It already had a million degrees.
Weather Jokes
- What's a tornado's favorite game to play at a party?
Twister.
- What fruit has to put on sunscreen at the beach?
Bananas - because they peel.
- What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
The ocean.
- What is a gust of wind's favorite color?
Blew.
- Why did the woman take a ketchup bottle outside when it was raining?
Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
- Where do happy lightning bolts live?
Cloud nine.
- What does a ghost wear to splash in puddles?
BOOOOOOOts.
- What did one hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you.
- What is the sky's favorite accessory?
A rainbow.
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Food Jokes
- What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
- What is a banana's favorite footwear?
Slippers.
- What food is never on time?
Choco-late.
- Why did the melon go for a swim?
It wanted to be a watermelon.
- Where do hamburgers go dancing?
At meat-balls.
- What do ghosts eat for dessert?
Ice-SCREAM.
- What type of bagel loves to fly?
A plane bagel.
- What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho-cheese.
- Why didn't jelly trust the peanut butter with a secret?
It spreads too easily.
Music Jokes
- What's an avocado's favorite kind of music?
Guac and roll!
- Why couldn't the man open the piano?
The keys were left inside.
- What type of music do frogs like?
Hip-hop.
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
- What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
- Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing her solo?
She wanted to hit the high notes.
- Why did the pianist put his head on the piano?
He was trying to play by ear.
- What instrument do turkeys play?
The drumstick.
- How do you make a bandstand?
Take away the chairs.
Pirate Jokes
- What's a pirate's favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
- Why do pirates love to go shopping?
They always find things on sail.
- Why are pirates so difficult to get along with?
They always arrrr-gue.
- What's a pirate's favorite kind of fish?
Swordfish.
- Why couldn't the pirates play cards?
They were all standing on the deck.
- What type of haircut does a pirate love to wear?
A crew cut.
- Why couldn't the pirate stop watching her favorite show?
She was hooked.
- How did the pirate call his mother?
On his aye-phone.
- What do pirates wear when it gets cold?
Arrr-gyle sweaters.
- What exercise does a pirate like best?
Planking.
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Dinosaur Jokes
- What type of dinosaur sleeps all the time?
A dino-snore.
- Why did the dinosaur go to the doctor?
He had an eye-saur.
- What do you call a dinosaur ghost?
A scaredactyl.
- How did the dinosaur build her house?
With a dino-saw.
- What do you call twin dinosaurs?
Pair-odactyls!
- What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words?
A thesaurus!
- Who do dinosaurs cheer for at a rodeo?
Bronco-saurus.
- What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions?
A philosiraptor.
- Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry?
Their tales are too long.
- Why don't you see dinosaurs at Easter?
Because they are egg-stinct.
School Jokes
- Why are math books always upset?
They have a lot of problems.
- What is the smartest animal?
Fish! They are always in school.
- Why do calculators make the best friends?
You can count on them.
- What's a snake's favorite subject?
Hissss-tory.
- What did the glue say to the teacher?
I'm stuck on you!
- Why was the bird sent to the principal's office?
She was caught tweeting.
- Why was the broom late for school?
He over-swept.
- How do fish get to school in the morning?
They take the octobus.
- How do you get straight A's?
Use a ruler.
- Why are squares and triangles always exercising?
They want to stay in shape.
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Cross the Road Jokes
- Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs.
- Why did the turkey cross the road?
To show he wasn't chicken.
- Why did the fish cross the road?
To get to the other tide.
- How did the egg cross the road?
It scrambled across.
- Why did the lamb cross the road?
To get to the baaaaarber shop.
- Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssside!
- Why did the baby skeleton cross the road?
Because her mummy was on the other side.
- Why did the nose cross the road?
It was tired of getting picked on.
- Why did the plate get stuck on the road?
It saw a fork ahead.
- Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
- Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Holiday Jokes
- What music is best to listen to on St. Patrick's Day?
Shamrock and roll.
- What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.
- Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He was parked in a snow parking zone.
- What type of flower should you not give on Valentine's Day?
Cauli-flower.
- Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast?
IHOP.
- How do gingerbread people make their beds?
With cookie sheets.
- Why does the Easter Bunny's hair always look so good?
He uses a lot of hare spray.
- What do you get when a snowman crosses a vampire?
Frostbite.
- Why do leprechauns love to garden?
They have green thumbs.
- Why didn't the skeleton want to go to the Valentine's dance?
His heart wasn't in it.
Sports Jokes
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
He had a hole in one.
- Why are cookies and milk a basketball team's favorite dessert?
They love to dunk.
- What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch you later!
- Why do basketball players carry extra napkins?
They are always dribbling.
- Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
- Why do tennis players make the worst neighbors?
They make a lot of racquet.
- What is an insect's favorite sport?
Cricket.
- What sport do hairdressers love the most?
Curling.
- What is a cheerleader's favorite drink?
Root beer.
Make your family time more enjoyable with a few of these jokes to create some laughter. A little laughter brightens the mood and makes the random moments of life more joy-filled. Spend time with the crew and LOL with these great jokes then add a few of your own!
Courtney McLaughlin is a freelance writer in Charlotte, N.C. She gratefully shares her life, home and heart with her daughter and their dog.
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