The Greatest Technological Achievement of the Century

So I was watching television recently and saw a commercial for the new Gillette Fusion razor. Have you seen this? This amazing new razor has FIVE blades on it. 

A chill ran down my spine as I saw this thing. Like most men, I've spent a lot of time contemplating and dreaming about how many blades could actually be fit onto a single razor. Until recently, I subscribed to the traditional thinking of the scientific community… that the natural laws of physics have created certain boundaries that cannot be broken and should never be pushed… like maybe 4 blades was all that was physically possible and that going beyond that would cause irreparable damage to the entire space/time continuum.

But this gigantic tech leap forward blows that assumption out of the water and leaves me thinking… how far could we really push this? Could we get 8 blades? 12? 20? Could I eventually just hold a razor up to my face, turn my head to the side, and complete my entire shave with one stroke? With this new development, almost anything seems possible.

It makes me proud to be an American. I can just picture our founding father, George Washington, shaving with a dull knife by the Potomac and cutting his face. I bet if he had only known that one day he'd have helped found a country that would create a 5-blade device that can smoothly glide over your face while "massaging the skin" simultaneously… all those wars and challenges of establishing the nation would have seemed worth it to him.

It also makes me wonder... who are the guys that have done this? MIT or Harvard prodigies sequestered in some ultra-secret government research facility? Could we get them to put down razors for a couple years and just cure cancer before they start working on six blades?

I know one thing.  There's no way I'm shaving with three blades anymore.  That's like... as old and outdated as MySpace.