The Genius Blog

If I'm contributing to the downfall of society, please let me know.

Remember The Jetsons? In the closing credits, George would always take his dog Astro for a walk on a space treadmill. Astro would start running after a cat and the treadmill would cycle out of control… leading George to yell “Jane! Stop this crazy thing!”

These days, I feel that way about life.

It seems like the treadmill of busyness has been cranked up to a breakneck pace… and none of us can get off. The intensity has seeped into every aspect of society, especially our families:

• SPORTS: Remember when playing a sport meant you participated during one season at school? These days, playing sports means a year-round regimen of training, travel teams, camps, and tournaments.
• CHURCH: It’s no longer enough to have a nice elderly woman teach our kids with a flannel graph. They now need to have a rock band, drama team, laser light shows, and be involved in at least 4 different small groups.
• SCHOOL: It’s never a good sign when your elementary school has to send home a thick newsletter each week just so parents can keep up with all the fundraisers, science fairs, homework assignments, and field trips.
• FAMILY: Today’s kids don’t have a chance to engage their imagination as we book them up solid with play dates, birthday parties, and mommy-and-me classes.

Technology plays a funny part in all this… because it can make life easier… but also accelerates the craziness. While it’s a heck of a lot easier to write a report for your boss using a word processor than a typewriter… now that we all have computers, your boss raises the expectations for how many reports you can write. With digital cameras and smart phones and color laser printers and home DVD burners… the expectations are now off the charts.

So I helped found SignUpGenius.com because I was pulling my hair out with the busyness of organizing. And as thousands around the country have found… it makes coordinating events a LOT simpler.

But…

The danger is that I now think I can plan and organize more things! Personally, I’ve struggled taking on too much now… and I’ve also seen activities grow in some organizations that use our site. Yikes! Is SignUpGenius.com just another tool that will completely destroy our society?

Man, I hope not. So, please… go out and organize your event with SignUpGenius.com and then promise me you’ll take the time you save and go take a bike ride with your kids.

If you really have to… you can take along your smart phone.
 

Announcing Our Contest Winners!!

Hello everyone!  Our panel of judges has finished laughing through the entries and has now picked the winners in last month's "Funniest Kids Quote" contest!  Thanks to everyone that submitted - we hope that it provided a fun break to the end-of-school scheduling chaos!

FIRST PRIZE:  $100 Target Gift Card

At my son's 5th birthday party, he asked "Where are the Popsicles?” I told him… ”In the house, be a good boy and go get them.” 5 minutes later I noticed he gave everyone a tampon while I was grilling burgers. He said, " Daddy, what flavor are these?” 

- Tim Blesser

SECOND PRIZE:  $50 Target Gift Card

Once I had to take my little brother to my work to pick up my check. My brother was only 3 at the time and so everyone stopped to talk to us. Well when we ran into my boss who started talking to my little brother about everything and my little brother looked up at him and said "it's okay, sometimes hair sticks out of my nose too!" I felt my face turn bright RED!

- Emilee Vuksta

THIRD PRIZE:  $25 Target Gift Card

After my son's fish died, we buried it in a box in the backyard. One day, while washing dishes, I see through the window my son digging at the grave site. I called him in and asked what he was doing, he said, "I wanted to see if he left for heaven yet."

- Becky Bibeault Van Volkinburg

Honorable Mention:

I taught a 4yr. old preschool class and was greeting children and talking to parents as they arrived one morning. As I was talking to a parent a child asked me, "Are you going to have a baby?” Being overweight, I understood the question and said no, I wasn't. The child insisted and said, "You are having a baby!" to which I replied, “No, honey, I'm not, now go play.” I continued my conversation with the parent when I felt something on my leg. The child had laid down on the ground and was looking up my skirt! I quickly asked what she was doing when she replied, "I'M LOOKING FOR THE BABY!"

- Stephanie Kiser

When my daughter was 2 years old she frequently misprounced words. We were shopping in the grocery store on a Saturday, when it was nice and crowded. Suddenly she yelled out "MOMMY WE NEED MORE PORN!!!" as we passed cans of corn...... and all heads turned....

- Erin Brooks Haag

My 6 year old proclaimed that he had solved the question of where babies come from. The second I heard those words, my mind started racing with how to answer his in-depth questions he always shoots my way. I interrupted him & started saying “Baby doll, when me & Daddy fell in love, we got married, & decided we loved each other sooooo much that we wanted to make a baby. He started yelling, “EW yuck, Mommy, what are you talking about?! No one ever told you where babies come from, Mommy?!! I can't believe Mawmaw never told you where babies come from, Mom!” So, at the risk of having no clue what he was about to say, I asked him where he thought they came from. He said- (rolling his eyes) “One of my friend's at school told me all about it today… he said he heard his Mommy talking about it with one of her friends... It comes from getting a back rub or a massage. His Mommy said- That dang back rub is what started it all... nine months later baby brother arrived.”

- Lacey Moore-Lewis

I was looking through my 4 year old son's scrapbook and he says, "Mom, is that my Facebook?"

- Tara Sansom-Hayden

My 5 year old daughter, Bailey, came running downstairs with no clothes on....it was her birthday. I told her to go back upstairs and put on clothes....she said " But Mom it is my birthday and I want to wear my birthday suit!"

- Jennifer Absher Lilly

Why I Refuse to Celebrate "Dads & Grads"

Have you seen all the commercials and advertisements lately reminding you to remember your “Dads & Grads”? This marketing catch phrase really irks me. Since when did Father’s Day get lumped in with another holiday? So dads aren’t even important enough to get our own day now and we have to share?

Seriously, can you imagine this happening with Mother’s Day? If Mother’s day took place during music appreciation month would we tell people to celebrate Moms and Brahms? Or if it was near Veterans Day… Moms and Bombs? Not a chance.

When it comes to holidays, we really appreciate mothers. Mother’s Day is traditionally the day of the year when the most phone calls are made. The commercials for Mother’s Day are sappy, heart-warming flashbacks to a mom cooking a child a meal and bandaging up a knee. We are usually told we should get mom a nice big diamond necklace, or a spa treatment, or something to give them a break from all their hard toil and sacrifice they do for us.

With dads… it’s more like you can pick him up a gift on the way to graduation and save yourself an extra trip. Or if stores do advertise specifically for dads… they focus on the things dads do apart from the family. According to the marketing gurus… dads do only two things: they golf or sit around on their duff with other dads and watch sports on TV. The rare, exceptional dad… can both golf and watch TV.

Ok, so maybe it isn’t quite that bad. But I find that in general, society just doesn't respect fatherhood much or even expect much from fathers. And sadly, it’s often with good reason. Far too many fathers have been absent, unfaithful, irresponsible, and focused primarily on themselves. I have to admit that many more moms have been carrying the load of parenting and being the better spiritual leader in their families.

I think it’s time for us dads to step up… and finally be worthy of those incredibly fashionable “#1 Dad” t-shirts we seem to get.

Maybe then – we’ll even get our own holiday.
 

I Think Video Games Have Destroyed My Kids

Last Saturday was a beautiful spring day here in Charlotte. So my wife and I, being the incredible parents that we are… decided that it was the perfect day for a special family outing. Gorgeous day, quality time with the kids, what could be better?

So I had this great idea… to take a family bike ride. We used to do that when I was a kid and I remember loving it. Back then, I had this very cool Huffy BMX dirt bike which was purchased from that high-quality bike super-store… Kmart. Of course, since I was a type-A first child… I never actually rode the bike in the dirt. And if I ever accidentally went through a puddle or something, I would spend the rest of the day washing and polishing the bike. But regardless, there was nothing better than my bike when I was a kid.

Wow. Times have changed.

First of all… it took us a half an hour to find the bikes in the garage. We had to sort through mounds of toys, motorized scooters, roller blades, nerf guns, kites, and inflatable water slide systems. Back when I was a kid, I had a bike and maybe a ball glove in the garage and that was about it. My kids have so much stuff, we had to remind them which bike was theirs. But I eventually got the tires all pumped up and we embarked.

That’s when the drama really started.

My younger son immediately broke into a sobbing ball of tears and whined: “I can’t get up this hill! My legs are aching! How much longer?!”  I assured him that it would get a lot easier… as soon as we got out of the driveway.

Unfortunately, it didn’t. Most of the entire bike ride (um… maybe 45 minutes?) was spent complaining and asking when we were going to turn around and go home. Granted, the ground wasn’t completely flat -- but this is North Carolina... not the Swiss Alps. And we weren’t exactly drafting each other for top speed. We encountered some hills and went at a normal pace, but to all but one of my four kids… it was like my wife and I were waterboarding them or something. My one daughter even described the ordeal afterwards as “the worst experience of her life.”  If that weren't enough, my younger son actually had to stay home from school the next Monday, in part because his legs and ankles hurt so much from pedaling!  I'm not joking!

So much for family bonding. As soon as we got home, my kids asked if they could go inside and play video games.

I couldn’t believe it… but I thought maybe my memory had faded or something, so I called my dad to ask him if I had complained about bike rides when I was a kid. He assured me I hadn’t. Actually, he said that when HE was a kid, back before parents had to be so safety conscious… he would go out on his own and ride his bike 15-20 miles… in the snow… while pedaling with only one leg. He said I was the one who had it easy.

I guess things must get easier for each generation. Can you imagine when my kids have kids? They’ll be telling their children… “Oh yeah? Well in my day we didn’t have video games that you could control with your mind. We had to USE CONTROLLERS with our OWN TWO HANDS until our thumbs ached!”

It does seems like kids these days are more interested in virtual exercise than real exercise. I cracked up the other day when my older son was telling our family that two of his favorite sports were “Tennis and Hockey.” We were all a bit confused, since this child has never held a tennis racket and never, ever played ice hockey. When asked how he knew they were his favorites, he replied: “I’ve played them on the Wii.”

So… I decided after that weekend that my kids definitely need more exercise. My kids are going to be tough and active, like I am. This weekend, I’m shipping them outside... no matter what they say. And then, while they are outside… I’ll sit down at the computer and spend a couple hours on Facebook.
 

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